bend

why have you lost faith in the men we love most?
why have you shyed away from the limelight?
why must we take minutes out of our day to do mundane rountines?
why must we work most of the day to have a chance at living?
why do we fall asleep?
why do we carry on as if nohing has happened?
why cant we breath fresh air anymore?
why cant we live free anymore?
why does it hurt to do anything in the heat?
why does it have to end like this?
why arent we living?
why arent we loving?
why is it everytime i go out a room someone sits in my damn seat?
why is it that i hate to go to shops on my own?
why does it hurt to love?
why does it hurt to breath?
why do we fight?
why do we fight?

It is our natural instinct to fight. We born with that and will die with that.
It hurts to love because that is the fact of life. We love and then we hurt.

I dont like going to shops on my own in fear of doing something wrong.
Someone seats in my seat the moment i go out of the room (even if the room may be empty) because they dont respect life.
No one respects each other anymore. Name calling. Fights. Death (thats a reacurring one isnt it? it isnt ment to be).

Look, its time to accept our fears and carry on. After this blog will i go out to a shop on my own? No. Why? Because its 11:03pm here and im not changing out of my pj's.
But tomorrow will i go to a shop on my own? No. Why? Because i never take my own advice.

Summer is about change. I will change. My appearance. My attitude. My ethics.
There is always room for change. Remember that.

Ten minutes ago my aunt left my house to go to sleep. In the early ours of sunday morning she will get up and go to her RAF base. By 9am sunday she will be on her way to Afghanistan. Does she fear? She says she doesnt. Do i fear? Of course i damn well do. She's my relative for christ's sake. I have confidence though.
She will come back a changed woman im sure. Whens he comes back the world would of changed. Gordon Brown probably would of done something destructive or crap. The taxes f things may of gone higher. The Olimpics would of started. I will have a hair cut. Big Brother would of finished. We will probably one step closer to knowing who the new president of the united states will be. People would of been born and some would of died. Are any of my family going to die in that time? I'm never certain. no ones certain. I hope not. People would of died though. But the git of life showers over the greif of death.

I leave you on this note; Is it worth fighting and becomign a better person? Changing for the better? Or should you let yourself give up and not care at all.

I choose to fight.

beat the old blood out of yourself to see how fa(i)r you really are.

when you die you will fade to black inside, i promise you that. but what happens to the people that are already black inside? do they just burn? or do they just fade.
wait though, thats the kids that think they matter, right?
everyone thinks they matter but in truth, as long as you're in the limelight you will have friends. before/after that you have no one.
you were born alone
you grew up alone
you lived alone
you looked at old photographs alone
you died alone
that is just the life cycle.
when you finally have a bit of hope in the human society you will then quickly lose it all.

Do you want to live alone?
do you want to have no one?
No. you dont.
change that then. change your fate.
everyone has the power to do something. to change.
you dont have to live alone. you dont have to die alone.
we need to live with everything.
no alones.

answer this; would you die for someone?
if you have that then you are worth li/oving.
if not, then find it.

regret is the worst thing in the world.
it can eat you up inside.
if you regret than you have not filled out your purpose.

remember
no alones.

beat the old blood out of yourself because maybe then it will prove a point.

does that make me crazy?

i still feel the same way as i did a few months ago (feb27)
i still feel the same way as i did in the beginning (feb10)
i still admire the guy who i wrote about (feb11)

i laughed when i read this i laughed because of the wrestling mention
i like this entry (mar10)
i still feel the same way as i did on this day (mar12)
i still feel the same way as i did on this day (mar18)
bottem half; i got found out. Didnt confront me. glad about it (mar21)
"you only look good in car crashes and the dark." i agree (mar22)
i cant remember who i was writing about (mar22)
"you only get this close with my lack of punctuation and grammer." (mar24)

i am still afraid that no one will love me (apr9)

the third paragraph makes me nod in agreement (may29)

it fell through. i dont even know why i bothered, but im still glad i didnt get trapped with you. (jun7)
the shoes hurt. my weakness is how much i give of my feelings. (jun20)

so cryptic that someday i will forget what im talking about. loyalty is also one of the things i treasure most (jul4)
this band make me feel like im apart of something (jul5)

i have slowly stopped posting. i apologise. that will stop.

....

"Don't go away again,
I want to be more than a phone call at 4am.
Seems like every time you come back home
It's just to steal my heart and leave.

Don't go away again,
I want to be more than a story to tell your friends.
Seems like every time you come back home
It's just to make me fall again."

I love this song. is it so bad i wish what he's singing about could happen to me? the reasons are too hard too explain actually. just reason with it.

one more week

you know what hurt me?

was the bit where you said that unlike last weekend, you had fun this weekend

implying that i'm boring and not fun

I used to think you were such a nice person

but you are now vindictive and a dick

 

grow up boy, she'll eat you alive

no air by JS is the way i feel about how my life is. Seriously, no air.

Trying to write an *emo* post while listening to Ne-yo is very...weird, so to speak.

Wah
So today has been so messed
Yesterday was just fall about to me

I never know when to shut my mouth
i apologised to someone because i realised that i was also in the wrong
i was wrong, ha
i nearly stopped what i was doing with my life
i felt betrayed

not gonna say much because i know people and what they find on the interwebs.
Tomorow all im going to do is read probably.
Glad its the weekend, catch up on sleep that is needed.
Succeeding in plan "NF" which is all under wraps for now.
Im doing stuff that will give me confidence. It all makes me as a person

Sorry this is so cryptic.
Lets just say that friends are not always there, even if they say they are.
one word people; loyalty.
that is all.