and so

if i could dream at all, it would be about you. and im not ashamed of it.


i want to say this to someone
i need you to change me
please help me
whoever you may be

corner stop/x one

Look, im going to break it down and spell it out for everyone.

i dont know what im doing with my life at this point
im scared of everything
im waiting for something to happen
its not coming easy
i dont get it

(iwanttotravelinavanwithyoueventhoughyouprobablydontreadthis)

im sorry

i want to fail everything

i want everything
i know im not good for anything

i know i lose

feeling like youre having a heartattack
feeling like everyone of them has given up
feeling so damn scared
it melts together
we all melt together

i wish you could read my thoughts and fall into my dreams at night so i sleep better

shit

I said i'd keep you updated but i think i did a bad job of that.
i'm going away for a week or so.
no internet.

box car racers vs. tall ta(i)l/e princess'
we love for this kind of mess
i'd swallow each and every pill
rainbow coloured timelines of them
in a few years you wont be saying you're alright.
in a few years youll want to be just as messed up as you are now.
bruised
broken
attention seeking kids vs. the ones that were born with all that attention

converse

It's not what you say that matters anymore, its what you dont say.

the lies i weave are ridiculous to believe
but you know i could talk my way out of anything.

"You know what Azure means but you dont know the meaning of guilty?"

bend

why have you lost faith in the men we love most?
why have you shyed away from the limelight?
why must we take minutes out of our day to do mundane rountines?
why must we work most of the day to have a chance at living?
why do we fall asleep?
why do we carry on as if nohing has happened?
why cant we breath fresh air anymore?
why cant we live free anymore?
why does it hurt to do anything in the heat?
why does it have to end like this?
why arent we living?
why arent we loving?
why is it everytime i go out a room someone sits in my damn seat?
why is it that i hate to go to shops on my own?
why does it hurt to love?
why does it hurt to breath?
why do we fight?
why do we fight?

It is our natural instinct to fight. We born with that and will die with that.
It hurts to love because that is the fact of life. We love and then we hurt.

I dont like going to shops on my own in fear of doing something wrong.
Someone seats in my seat the moment i go out of the room (even if the room may be empty) because they dont respect life.
No one respects each other anymore. Name calling. Fights. Death (thats a reacurring one isnt it? it isnt ment to be).

Look, its time to accept our fears and carry on. After this blog will i go out to a shop on my own? No. Why? Because its 11:03pm here and im not changing out of my pj's.
But tomorrow will i go to a shop on my own? No. Why? Because i never take my own advice.

Summer is about change. I will change. My appearance. My attitude. My ethics.
There is always room for change. Remember that.

Ten minutes ago my aunt left my house to go to sleep. In the early ours of sunday morning she will get up and go to her RAF base. By 9am sunday she will be on her way to Afghanistan. Does she fear? She says she doesnt. Do i fear? Of course i damn well do. She's my relative for christ's sake. I have confidence though.
She will come back a changed woman im sure. Whens he comes back the world would of changed. Gordon Brown probably would of done something destructive or crap. The taxes f things may of gone higher. The Olimpics would of started. I will have a hair cut. Big Brother would of finished. We will probably one step closer to knowing who the new president of the united states will be. People would of been born and some would of died. Are any of my family going to die in that time? I'm never certain. no ones certain. I hope not. People would of died though. But the git of life showers over the greif of death.

I leave you on this note; Is it worth fighting and becomign a better person? Changing for the better? Or should you let yourself give up and not care at all.

I choose to fight.

beat the old blood out of yourself to see how fa(i)r you really are.

when you die you will fade to black inside, i promise you that. but what happens to the people that are already black inside? do they just burn? or do they just fade.
wait though, thats the kids that think they matter, right?
everyone thinks they matter but in truth, as long as you're in the limelight you will have friends. before/after that you have no one.
you were born alone
you grew up alone
you lived alone
you looked at old photographs alone
you died alone
that is just the life cycle.
when you finally have a bit of hope in the human society you will then quickly lose it all.

Do you want to live alone?
do you want to have no one?
No. you dont.
change that then. change your fate.
everyone has the power to do something. to change.
you dont have to live alone. you dont have to die alone.
we need to live with everything.
no alones.

answer this; would you die for someone?
if you have that then you are worth li/oving.
if not, then find it.

regret is the worst thing in the world.
it can eat you up inside.
if you regret than you have not filled out your purpose.

remember
no alones.

beat the old blood out of yourself because maybe then it will prove a point.