a bad day all around. except for the ipod update

dear ____
you are not the next pw. you writing like him isnt gonna change the fact that you're turning into a wreck and you're never gonna get anywhere with the way you're going.

im shaking and my stomach is upside down

today is not the best of days

woah

i forgot about this place actually.

wrote something today. lets hope it gets there and i dont sound like a moron

i miss the old

she tries desperately for me to stay

i think i should take the time out of my busy schedule (oh yes. real busy.........no) to say that i am ready for a change.
i need something mad to happen in my life.
will you be the one to rpovide that for me?

others will always think they know you

If anyone cared to write or ask if i'm still alive then i would feel needed in this world that can feel empty. not even a note to ask me whats ben happening.
it seems i have to lie to get your attention. because i am a compulsive liar. it hurts like that.

i spend many of my waking hours nowadays, wondering whether im going to find someone that's gonna lay down with me at night and be there in the morning.
i dont want to put my middle finger up to the world and say 'fuck you'. i want to hold up my forth finger on my left hand and say that there is someone who's always gonna be there.
i live in fear of the thought of this not happening.
i live in fear of the thought of no one caring about me no more

i think the deal with some people is that they just dont care enough to try and understand.


i'm afraid that if i dont find someone im in live with to lie down next to me at night that im gonna settle for something i dont want or love.
i am afraid no one will love me.

acid and alkali

they cancel eachother out, right?

i have no tact so i dont know why you come to me for a shoulder to cry on.
i am in a mood where i dont care what shit i say to you tonight.
please go and grow a backbone, darling.

the light on your window ledge

i am quite possibly thinking of starting over.
im also only smart because you are the lowest of levels.
im sick of all these entries being about you actually. stop fuelling my fire, so to speak.

i love these conversations because they give me ideas for comebacks to the worst person i can think of right now.
our wit is nicely balanced.
and you're right on most things.
we are also both invisible and hate the thinsg that life deals us.

i think this is one of the worst times ive been at.
dont worry kids, ill cheer up soon.

'when im in bed i think about life and death. neither sound too appealing'
'i am the poison in your brain, you just dont see it yet'