thinking about things that ive heard today

and open letter;

dear you,

you make it so hard for me to like you, you really do. i don't think you can get it through your thick skull anymore, that i need you to grow up. we're just youre friends which you hang around with when youre 'real' friends arent there. may i remind you why youre even friends with those people? me and her. me; i brought you into 'the group'. before then you were just a lonely sad kid who never came to school because you were too damn lazy. her; she introduced you to those friends. 

i'm not saying you should be on your hands and knees worshipping us. i just think that you owe us a little respect. i think that you should realise that even though theyre youre friends now, remember who were always there. 

and its not our fault that you dont tell us things and get pissed about it. that isnt our fault. it never fucking has been.

we burn liars and fakes on sticks, little girl. we will always pull you up on it. always. and you know that it hasnt been any different. since when did we let that go?

and now you go back to that little boy, and you expect us to accept that? the one that lied and cheated and broke all yours and two of of our friends hearts. and it doesnt matter whether they show it or not either. he was the one that said you and her should get your houses burnt down.

after this, i think im past caring, because i think that youve turned into a vile child.

"i'll take my stand, right here with my friends" and "heart means everything"

nearly 3 months

nearly 3 months and a lot of stuff hasn't changed. but then when i think about it everything has changed. 

i think the correct term would of been "nothing has changed for me"

yep, that's finally right.

i've gone past the subtle stage now

on a wire

I don't know. i guess i just have a strong sense of right and wrong.

i guess i just take things too personally

i guess i should make more of an effort

i guess i need to start and try make myself better

i guess i have grow up

i guess i think too deep

i guess i'm wrong.

you know i dont believe that. sometimes i do have a bit of narcissism showing through, but i have trust issues, paranoia issues, lying issues. actually, i guess i just have issues.

but you know youre not helping. except you dont. sometimes i think my brain is ten times older than my body, i cant help that.

the things that are injected into my mind. through tv shows, books, opinions. its not all my fault.

i hate you but i like you.

this is a predicament i cant seem to get out of.

its not always my fault. i know that.

i wish i had some guts just to do this to you.

Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none

you will see.

it is not always my fault.

end of year blog

Are you happy?

no

are you safe?

 yes

then that's all that matters.

Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none - William Shakespeare - "All's Well That Ends Well", Act 1 Scene 1

i know that

i never gave up.

that what i always tell myself. and sometimes i even believe it. deep down i know that im wrong. obviously.

i cannot escape from myself, no matter how hard i try.

my shadow is always following me around for some strange reason

i cant seem to stop it

i need to shut off this mind before it gets too much

i always have a problem with myself

my head.

im waiting for you

when will you arrive?

tick tock

tick tock

the thing that gets me

is that you feel the need to lie to us.
though obviously, i'm being quite oxymoronic.
which i'm not even bloody sorry for.

i'm trying not to get angry every time i see you, and that's hard.
it's so hard to believe anything you say.
and i'm against everything you have done this week.
stupid girl


lesson one for you;
you set yourself your own standards, so when men people treat you like crap, it your own fault.
not ours. dont come crying to us because i for one, have no sympathy.
he. you. everyone - deserves more
and so do i. you insulted my intelligence that day and you know i wouldnt do that to you.
i want the awkward stage to be over, but if you dont buck your stupid damn ideas up then it will never be.

i'm disappointed in both of you
(and i sound like my mother. lord)

beep.

sometimes i think you only think about yourself.
i get headaches daily - not just because of you, but sometimes.
your voice comes in and out of my ears like a fly flying by them and then going away.
i dont want you to go away
but the buzz hurts sometimes.

broadway smoke shop vs. tea leaf dreams


i dont know why but every time i form a sentence it has the word 'but' in it.
butbutbut
its like - fuck off.
my mind is messed right now. i have nothing poeticslashimportant to say.